Can I cancel Sunday?

Today I realized that Sunday is Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is a painful reminder that I am not what I aspire to be. On Mother's Day, no one thinks about those who long for motherhood. No one realizes that we are in the midst of the celebrations, slowly and silently dying inside.

Sunday will mark my second childless Mother's Day since we started trying to conceive. This year however, will be different. I will not put myself in situations where I will be made to feel left out and incomplete. I will not be made to feel like a hopeless failure. Not this year.

Sadly, this means I likely won't be venturing out of the house on Sunday. The visions of happy families and children I'm afraid will be too much to bear. Not for me. No more. I refuse to be vulnerable. I'm taking myself out of the game, for my own good and for my own self-preservation.

To have to live with the knowledge that I have been passed over for one of life's greatest blessings is difficult enough. And while I have learned out of necessity how to cope in my daily life, I refuse to subject myself to the numerous reminders of my own infertility that I know Sunday will bring.

Over and out.

C.